2002

Beware Sacral beings! You think you know yourself. You think you really know what you need, want, desire, love, hate, think, care about... ahh. What a surprise you have in store.

What an incredible gift is waiting for you. There is nothing more precious than discovering your real essence.

These past 5+ years have been so exciting for me. When I sat down next to Ra for my reading in May of 1997, I actually thought I knew who I was. I thought I knew all those things about me that most everyone else thinks they know.

But now, oh my god, what a difference. It is like night and day. My voice on the cassette tape sounds so funny to me now. I had no clue who I was. I really thought I was living me. But I was simply living the conditioned life that a Generator lives.

“But now, oh my god, what a difference. It is like night and day. I really thought I was living me. But I was simply living the conditioned life that a Generator lives.”

These past years of discovering who I am have been so thrilling. Discovering me underneath all the layers and layers of ideas and beliefs has been really something. Now looking back, I can say with the authority of having lived this experiment, I HAD NO CLUE WHO I WAS! I had no idea what I really felt about anything.

About three years ago, a girlfriend who smokes started to light up a cigarette and looked at me and said “do you want one”. Well, let me tell you – my “ahunh” (yes) shocked the hell out of me. I don’t smoke! I have never smoked! But there I was, in that moment, smoking a cigarette. And I truly enjoyed it. Over the past years, once in a while someone will ask me if I want a cigarette and most of the time I go “unun” (no), but sometimes I respond yes!!

I have no preconceived ideas about myself anymore. Because I know that I never know what my response will be to anything! That is very uncomfortable in the beginning. It made me very uneasy. At times I was afraid to be asked intimate questions, because I had no idea what sounds would come out of me.

Like my husband asking me “do you still love me?” Now that is scary! But it is also very incredible. If my truth is ‘ahunh’ (yes), then that shows me that it is right for us to be together. If my sacral goes “unun” (no) – then isn’t it better to know it? No, it is not easy to deal with a truth like that but if it were true – why would anyone want to believe otherwise?

“I have no preconceived ideas about myself anymore. Because I know that I never know what my response will be to anything.”

When Ra told me way back that I had no idea who I was, and that I wouldn’t even know even if I loved someone unless I was asked and I responded, I couldn’t believe it. I started experimenting right away. I saw immediately that my sacral responds to things in a way that drives my mind nuts.

Over these years, I must have been asked thousands and thousands of questions from the mundane to the kinds of questions that went straight to the depth of my soul. My mind would never have been able to answer those questions in a way that would reveal me to myself. The mind can only give what it has taken in as conditioning, ideas, and beliefs. But I want what my mind cannot know! I want my sacral responses more than anything. There is nothing more incredible than this. It is the opportunity to watch your own birth.